I'm back, bitches.

I'm recommitting to myself and my weight loss journey. The month of October or at least the last 3/4ths of it were tough, and I can't say I was successful at my goals. By Oct. 15, I wanted to be 194 lbs, and probably closer to 190 or less by the end of the month. Instead, I'm fluctuating within 195-197 lbs.

What is this do to? I've had a hard time curbing my eating within 1200-1500 calories per day. I would eat handfuls of this and that and pretend that I wasn't accountable for those, even though after 10+ handfuls it adds up and you're fooling no-one, most of all yourself. Along with that, I stopped writing down what I was eating in my Food Diary - I just avoided it, partially out of guilt I think that I had let all my good eating go. Along with eating like crap (yes the quality of food I was eating was not good),I felt not as great as before when I was eating healthy). I exercised less often/not as vigorously, and at one point felt like I was gaining back my guilt. I felt kinda helpless in the sense that I was literally reversing my hard work, a day at a time. And telling myself I eat awful until midnight, because tomorrow's a new day. Yes, tomorrow's a new day but you aren't hungry, you're just feeling under the weather, lonely and a little stressed out. I wasn't listening to my body and treating it well. I stopped writing down three things I was grateful for everyday and my mood went down. I would sometimes write what I ate on here, but then fuck it up the rest of the day and not write it down on here. You know what, the other person I'm accountable to that matters is myself, sorry Kristen, but it hasn't been working out. I'm going to stop writing my intake on here because it's my journey and I need to start being honest with myself before anyone else.

Now that that's over. I'm going to get back on the wagon with full force. With 7 weeks left, and losing 2 lbs a week - that's 14 lbs total by the end of December, bringing me to 197-14 = 183 pounds. NEW LONG TERM GOAL

Short terms goals -
eat within 1200-1500 calories from this Saturday to next Saturday,
weigh in on next Saturday with photo for evidence of number,
exercise everyday (except for Friday) doing 45 minutes cardio (15-20 minutes running, 15 minutes bike, 15 minutes stairstepper) and lift weights/ab work for 30-45 minutes (total gym time every day = 1 1/4 hrs - 1 1/2 hours)
eat more veggies/fruits, aka better quality foods
try not to eat as many cookies and/or candy and bread or pastas
get at least 7 hours of sleep
reduce the amount of body ogling I do in the mirror - results will come with CONSISTENT EATING AND EXERCISING NOT SIMPLY DAYS PASSED
get back to writing EVERYTHING I EAT in my food diary religiously